Dialogue With RCS: Listen for Meaning and Understanding; it's about you.
Now is a good time to listen to learn and to be heard and understood. Now may also be a good time to be more clearly aware of improving our listening skills. It is a time to listen with purpose of gaining new understanding rather than to be ready to accept or reject. The time seems right to be less ready with our own defense and to be more ready to get the meaning of and to understand that which we hear.
Effective co-operation is becoming more important than it has been for some time. Effective co-operation is a step toward organizing for our mutual good. The paragraph above points to a way toward more effective co-operation.
You can probably imagine why this is a good time to be aware of the importents of being ready to practice our skills of co-operation. Some are beginning to say that the time is rapidly approaching when we most be able to co-operate well with persons not well known by us! They say that it may take all of us together to adapt successfully to climate change. But there are other reasons. We are responsible for our economy and governance. When we haven't understood the persons available for co-operation with us, we are less able to co-operate well. The practice of appropriate dialogue skills can help us to deal more effectively with the happenings and doings today.
It seems that we lack something very important in our relationships. We seem to lack enough mutual understandings and meanings. We do not share enough meaning and understanding. Suffering this lack is not mandatory. We can share enough and get enough meaning and understanding through certain practices.
Among these practices is listening, listening with the purpose of really understanding. We can listen with the purpose of getting the the meaning of that which is being said. In this process it is fair to ask a question to aid our understanding. It takes practice to do this well. In the listening I write of, it is best to spend less time preparing your response and more time getting at the other's meaning. When it is difficult for me not to be preparing a response instead of listening to find the meaning of what is being said, I have found that it is possible to prepare a friendly question to help me to better understand that which has just been said. We are better served when we make it our purpose to understand.
Our purpose to understand is served when we do what we can to understand that which the speaker is trying to express. We want to understand what she really means to say. She wants us to understand and we want to get her meaning.
To aid that process, it is a good practice to arrange to have a useful place to hear and to be heard. We know we are serious about our intention to hear be heard and to understand and to be understood.
We have begun to speak of doings and practices which help us to have well functioning and satisfying nations, countries, marriages, towns, businesses, counties, societies, states, clubs, friendships and human relationships in general. There are more practices to become familiar with. They are not difficult, but they do take practice.
We have heard it said that we have a problem with communication. We have heard less about the nature of the problem. We certainly have not common to a shared understanding of our difficulty. I haven't heard a discussion of the nature of the nature of the problem yet this month. Part of the problem may be that many have not gotten a useful positive reaction to their efforts at important talk so the engage in less important talk. They may not have been understood or perhaps have not understood others and maybe a hundred other things. So they do something more satisfying. A natural action, but a dangerous one. The usual result is no important talk then no important action. With the help of a dialogue practice group many have done better. With the right practice our important talk can become more properly effective. Our less important talk could become more important and more fun.
There is lots of talk which can be very difficult. One kind that can difficult is when the subject is not easy and we really can't figure out where the ones we are talking with "are coming from." Sometimes it can seem like madness that they could hold such an opinion on the issue. There can arrive a situation in which we can't fathom came to that conclusion. And, they, have no idea of why we can't. Then there are the cases in which we haven't understood why "they' do not consider "that" to even be an issue or a problem.
That might be a good time to head for home and a good TV program. However, if you all had been in a dialogue practice group you may have had a better chance of figurine things out or of coming to some understanding. And you may have come to understand and respect each other more.
I have experienced a way of talking that I have called thinking together. The first time I really took note of the experience was in an occasional university seminar group. Lately I have been calling that kind of talk The Dialogue. I discovered that people around the world know about and practice that kind of talk. I have read about it working in very large groups and between two people. My recent experience of it has been in small groups. It seems to be most effective and satisfying in groups of more than 10 and less than 40.
From the 1970s to today, my interest in the dialogue has continued. I read about it. I participated in groups in which the values and skills of the dialogue were prominent. Experiments, studies, and practices dealing with the dialogue came to my attention. I came to have my experiences and understandings of the dialogue validated. I began to read others as they began to work out practical understandings of the practice. I was learning about the practice of a very useful kind of dialogue.
I found that large corporations were using the dialogue with some success, church were using it, it was being used between religions, married couples had used it as an alternatve to "fair fighting." it has been used in civic and political groups with success. All are finding that it is a practice that is best practiced. Now there are groups practicing the dialogue for the practice. Group members develop skills and understand in the practice which can be used in settings far from their group. Group members also find more personal satisfactions in their practice. They experience positive personal growth and development and a better understanding of the world of humanity in general.
The practice of this dialogue is not new, but a new understanding of its value is growing. Persons practicing the dialogue in a group learn methods and skills that can be used in problem solving and in collaborative action. The practice can be used to clarify an issue or work out a strategy. It has value as a way to coherent meaning and understanding. It is a way to maintain effective and satisfying relationships. Some have found it a fun parlor game.
In these dialogue practice groups I write of an important emphasis is on the individual, individual benefits, equality, power, and value.
However, many of the values and benefits are shared among members of a practice group. For an example, an understanding of a shared body of coherent meaning occurs benefits members as a group. Group members come to a better understanding that we all hold certain opinions and assumptions, that some of them are subconscious, that not all are shared, and that our reasons for holding them may differ greatly. The group learns to practice a useful democracy and shared leadership. We find satisfaction in such group activity and enjoy some laughs.
With this body of shared coherent meaning we are in better position to respect on another and to co-operate with each other. We find it easier to organize collective action. We have enough leadership available to act effectively together without a leader! Some benefits go beyond our expectations, and need to be experienced to be understood. We seem to become supporters, protectors, and creators of culture. The practice moves us closer to mutual understanding and mutual respect.
Very briefly from light to heavy here is the way we begin the practice. This is what we do. We sit around and listen to each other in the knowledge that we have some control over topic and time. We take short turns speaking on a topic offed by the group. Everyone listens to you with the intent of understanding. This continues for years as we keep our skills and methods sharp. In the process we sometimes going so far as laying an assumption or opinion of ours on the table where we can all look it over. At another time we could ed up sharing the names of our favorite colors.
It is the practice that counts. Something like going to the gym twice a week, going through your ballet moves, meditation, or any of the practices we humans have. There are now 31 posts on this blog to help you through what I am trying to get across. There are also five pretty good search apps on the blog to aid your explorations.
There is also a "comments" section just below where you can ask questions, make suggestions, correct one or more of my many errors, or even comment on the content of a specific post.
Thank you for reading and your kind visits.
rcs.
